


Panic

by Sadboi_loki



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider - Fandom, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Spiderman ffh spoilers, wump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-14
Updated: 2019-07-14
Packaged: 2020-06-27 22:19:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19798927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sadboi_loki/pseuds/Sadboi_loki
Summary: Warning: Spider-Man: Far From Home SpoilersWhen Quentin Beck reveals Peter Parker’s biggest secret to the world Peter thinks back on times when he’s felt hopeless.





	Panic

**Author's Note:**

> Massive trigger warning for panic/anxiety attacks, I go into detail describing them

Heart racing,  
Sweat dripping,  
Vision blurring,  
Breath quickening,  
Chills down the spine,  
General panic and feeling of impending doom.

Peter Benjamin Parker had felt all of these before; when he was trapped under the rubble of a building, when he saw Thanos’ ship in the middle of Manhattan, when he dematerialized, when he watched Tony’s life slip away.

When Peter watched the screen in front of Penn Station he stopped. Suddenly, thoughts flooded his head. Only one vocalized itself.

“What the fuck…”

He could barely hear voices in the background but all he could hear where snippets “Killer!” “Spiderman?” “Myst-” “Wh-” soon his head was overtaken with white noise. No matter how far he opened his eyes he couldn’t see clearly, no matter how deep he tried to inhale he couldn’t catch his breath, no matter how cold Karen put his suit he couldn’t help but to overheat, he felt trapped in the vast city in the large square with thousands looking at him for answers. He had none. 

He stood up on the street light and looked MJ in the eyes.  
They both knew nothing would ever be the same.

He blinked his eyes clear of tears and turned from the crowd, swinging away. MJ, surrounded by people feeling more lonely than she had in awhile. She watched as Peter disapeared into the horizon.

One sunny Friday afternoon Peter and Mr.Stark sat in the workshop. It couldn’t have been more than three or four weeks since the Vulture fiasco and Liz leaving school. Peter sat in a wheely office chair one foot down slowly spinning the chair while screwing something or other into antoher metal thingy. 

“Kid, you know you can talk to me right? I feel like youve been kinda quiet ever since the incident with Big Bird.”

Peter looked up, his eyes widening. “Sorry, it’s just- I mean- I almost d- and i’m fifteen y’know so it’s just like-... I don’t know, sorry, sorry.”

“You don’t have to talk. I’m just saying you can. If anyone can understand what you’ve been through it’s me.”

“No, no, I want to talk about it, I just can’t find the words. Like, have you ever felt just so completely trapped as if there’s no escape from this memory not even in your head? Like even after you’re free you just can’t shake the feeling that something’s going to happen to you again, or it still is and your brain is playing tricks on you? Like whatever has happened is always with you lingering in the shadows waiting for an already stressful situation, or a quiet moment, or anytime to become the only thing in your head. It overtakes all of your thoughts and you can’t move and everything is just crashing down around you and you can’t breath or think or see. So you just sink into the memory. And you don’t know what’s going on around you but you’re still in the real world so everyone is around you and they don’t know what’s going on in your head? That’s how I feel.” 

“Kid, I get that feeling everytime i look at the night sky, everytime I see snow, or Captain America’s shield. I’ve had that feeling following me since 2008.” 

6 days after they had that conversation Peter was laying on the roof of his shitty Queens apartment. 

“Peter, your heart rate seems to be rising depsite a lack of serious injuries is everything okay?”

“Uh- yeah, yeah i’m fine Karen. I just- I can’t breath.” He reached to remove his mask-

“Your mask had already been removed from your nose and mouth Peter. Are you sure your okay? If your heart rate gets any faster I will have to alert Mr.Stark.”

That certainly didn’t help

“Alerting Tony Stark…”

Peter started to get flashes of concrete. Metal. Cold water. The sweat that dripped down his face when he called for help and no one answered. When he had to save himself. Because no one was- is here. Peter felt utterly alone in the universe, he would likely never see another person’s face.

“-ter, Peter?”

As Peter gasped for air, broken concrete pillars and broken pipes were replaced by Ms. Horowitz’s tomato plant and the sound of an airplane overhead.

“Who-” Peter started as he sat up.

“Kid, it’s okay it’s Tony I’m here.” Mr. Stark said softly, placing his hand on Peter’s back.

“W-What happened?”

“You had a panic attack. But it’s okay, nothing can hurt you. You are wearing one of the most dangerous weapons in the world.”

Peter still trying to catch his breath looked around him, he slowly started to take in his surroundings. The sun was setting and it was stupidly humid, Peter’s forehead was dripping with sweat and Mr.Stark looked pretty flushed himself. “How…did you know?”

“What do ya mean?”

“That I was having… one of those?”

“I’m alerted if your heart rate spikes more than the usual crime fighting amount.”

“Oh. Have you ever…”

“Had a panic attack? Yeah. I don’t know how much stuff is public at this point but I’ve had a lot of fucked up shit happen to me. I mean I was kept in a cave, I almost died in outer space, I fought a man who despite all the odds I trusted and saw as a friend. I’ve had my fair share.”

“I haven’t had that much happen to me. I’m not dying or anything. I saw someone die when I was a kid but ,like, who hasn’t? I’m not bullied really, I mean Flash is a dick but at the end of the day we all get along. Why am I freaking out over nothing?”

“Peter you’re a fighter and you’re strong , but that doesn’t mean you are invincible. Anything can have a mental toll on you and comparing your suffering to mine or someone who’s dying doesn’t do jack.”

“I’m just so afraid that I’m putting my friends and May in danger. If something happens and they get hurt I don’t know what I’ll do. I’m constantly on edge, every time May doesn’t pick up I think someone’s got her and every time Ned misses school I can’t stop thinking about what’s happened to him.”

“That feeling doesn’t go away Pete, all yo UCSB do is love them and check in with them. If you do al that you can within reason to protect them you are doing the right thing. Plus I’m Tony fucking Stark, they are under my protection.”

Peter forced out a laugh. “I should probably go inside May going to attempt to beef bor- borf- bourguignon” 

“Alrighty kiddo.”

“Are you busy tonight Mr.Stark?”

“No, why?”

“Do you wanna come in and pretend to like her cooking until she finally admits how bad it is and orders chinese?”

“Sure, Peter.”

Peter was trying not to make it too obvious but after fighting aliens in Manhattan, hopping a ride on a spaceship, fighting a really beefy purple guy with the power to destroy the universe and failing, he was overwhelmed. When Thanos left Titan everyone started yelling at each other, mainly it was Tony vs the space guy with the guns. Peter’s stomach was starting to turn and his foreheads and palms were starting to sweat. He chalked it up to being overwhelmed and scared until he noticed the girl with antennae starting to freak out. 

At first her eyes widened and she started to shake, Peter started to walk over to check on her when she suddenly screamed. Everyone’s looked at her and then around to find any threats . Suddenly, Peter started to get light headed it felt like he was having an anxiety attack x10. 

“Somethings happening”

Suddenly the girl had disappeared, dust dispersing where she once stood. Then the man with the tattoos was gone, and the leader of the guardians. 

“Tony, there was no other way.”

And just like that Doctor Strange was dust. Suddenly it was just Peter and Tony, both knowing one of them was going to go.

Suddenly all of Peter’s senses screamed at him, he couldn’t breathe he couldn’t think he couldn’t stand he couldn’t see. 

“Mr.Stark? I- I don’t feel so good.”

Everyone knows how that ended.

As Peter saw his face in the screen he couldn’t breathe he couldn’t think he couldn’t stand he couldn’t see. Without the mask there is no Spider-Man. Without the mask everyone Peter has ever come in contact with is in danger. Peter’s life depends on that mask.


End file.
